My best friend Amanda had a baby almost 2 years ago. After she had her I remember her telling me that her brain must have come out along with the baby because it was the only explanation for all the stupid things she does. I thought, “Yeah, right”… Well, I now believe her.
Dan thinks I should write a book, but who knows if I’ll ever get to that. Because I enjoy having a good laugh at myself, why shouldn’t the people that I love be able to laugh at me, too? I want to share with you some of my most recent “mommy brain” incidences in hopes that you can have a good belly laugh at my expense. (Yes, it’s okay with me!)
A couple of months ago after I got off of work, Brittain and I went to run some errands. We first made a stop at Tuesday Morning, and then decided to run into Big Lots since it was right next door. I had Brittain in the stroller and we made a quick run-through to see if there was anything we couldn’t live without. As I went to the checkout, I noticed that I only saw one person who looked to be open, but her light wasn’t on. There was a person standing there checking out, so I patiently waited for him to finish before checking out myself. When I got up to the counter I politely asked the lady, “Are you open?” She replied, “Yes.” It was at that point that I looked down to find that I had nothing to buy.
Now, the few people that I told this story to told me that they would have grabbed something off to the side quickly and thrown it on the counter. Unfortunately, I can’t think that fast so I just simply stated the obvious. “Hmmm…I have nothing to buy.” And then I swiftly exited the store.
A few weeks ago I needed to go grocery shopping, so I called my mom to see if she could watch Brittain for me. She came over and I headed to Wal-Mart for what seemed to be an all-night affair. Brittain was turning one and she was beginning to eat table food. If you know me, you know that I haven’t cooked much, so I had spent a couple of days looking up recipes and I was buying all of the ingredients for them. I was in there for over 2 hours. During my trip I noticed that people were looking at me. Truthfully, I thought they were looking because I must have looked cute. I had on a skirt and a tank top and I had finally started working out again and had dropped a few pounds. When I got home I proceeded to unload the groceries, but stopped to take a quick bathroom break. I walked in the bathroom and took a look in the mirror only to notice that the sports bra I had on had ridden up to the middle of my breasts. (Breasts…can I say that in this blog?) Not that you would want to picture this, but to have a good laugh you’re going to have to. The elasticized bra that was supposed to completely cover my breasts had made it’s way up (without my noticing that something felt weird). In other words, I kind of looked like I had two sets of breasts. NO WONDER people were staring at me!
Shortly after this happened, my sister called and asked me if I wanted to go to the Faith Hill/Tim McGraw concert with her at Philips Arena. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. We had 6th row seats AND I was getting to spend time with my newly married sis! It was a little nerve-wracking leaving Brittain just because I can’t stand to be away from her, but I was also excited. A night on the town, just like pre-baby days. That day I took special care in choosing a “cool, non-mommy” outfit and headed to Atlanta where we were staying at the Ritz and going to the concert. For the drive there I decided to wear my work attire, which consists of a tank top and shorts or an easy-pull-on cotton short skirt (thanks, Bradley for not requiring heels and a suit!). I arrived at the Ritz before Cecilia so I went to check in. I parked in a lot across the street, got my bags out and headed into the Ritz. The line to check-in was insanely long, but I waited patiently and didn’t mind a bit because I was so excited to be there. After finally checking in I went to the elevators to head up to the room. All of the elevator doors are mirrored, so as I was standing there waiting I took a quick glimpse to my right to see myself. Sadly, what I saw did not at all surprise me. Somehow, during my drive to Atlanta, the back of my skirt had slid down and the back of my tank top slid up so that my pretty cotton blue panties were in full view. Again, my thinking that people were staring because I looked cute was not right again. Where are those people who tell you you look like an idiot? I would do that for another person! Where are those people when I need them?
My most recent “mommy brain” moment happened today. Brittain had a follow-up appointment with the pediatrician from when she was sick a couple of weeks ago. Her appointment was at 3:00 and we made it on time to Sunnyside Pediatrics (the name of our pediatrician’s office). As we walked in I signed in and sat down to wait for our name to be called. Just a couple of minutes after sitting, the nurse at the desk stood up and asked me what my child’s name was. I said, “Oh my gosh. Did I sign my own name?” I walked up to the desk and looked at the sheet. In the “name” space I had signed “Sunnyside Pediatrics.”
Need I say more?