As the last day of school approached, there was much talk of the Kindergarten graduation program. Graduation? Really? I kinda thought it was a little overkill until I found out they also wore CAPS AND GOWNS! Seriously? Now it was MAJOR overkill. But I went along with it. I got a little more into it when a neighbor whose son is in Brittain’s class asked if I would be interested in her taking graduation pictures of Brittain. She’s a great photographer and owned a few caps and gowns. I have to admit that she looks pretty cute:
But when graduation day came I was over it and I was just ready to be done with the whole event. Not that I had to do anything, but coordinating who of the family was going to come and who was going to go early enough to save seats and how early I could get there with Coleman without a major meltdown occuring in the middle of the program was enough for me. I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready for summer.
When I arrived I sat in my seat rolling my eyes to myself looking at all the people around me excited about their 5 year old graduating. I mean, it’s Kindergarten, people. We’ve got a looooong way to go before we have anything to celebrate. But I swallowed my words almost immediately when the processional began. If you don’t tear up at a bunch of 5 year olds in caps and gowns singing “One Small Voice” as they walk up on stage, then you are heartless. I suddenly became one with every last person in that cafeteria because I was merely seconds away from standing up and yelling as I sobbed, “Our babies are graduating. Our babies are all grown up.” Thankfully, my attention was diverted when Coleman threw a fruit snack on the floor and then immediately picked it up and put it in his mouth.
I’m hoping that this kindergarten graduation sort of prepared me for future year’s Honors Days. Beyond the sweet program that the children put on, there were awards given out. Awards. It’s that moment when you’re sitting there looking around you trying to think of whose kid is smart and if your own kid even has a chance. It’s that moment when you think, “Damn it. I KNEW I should have neglected my other child so I could force my other one to learn FASTER.” It’s not that you really care about the award. It’s that YOU know that YOUR child is special. You just want everyone else to know it, too.
Let me interject something important here and say that when Brittain started Kindergarten, Dan and I had several conversations about our hopes for her. While it’s rare that we agree on something wholeheartedly, we were in agreement that the only thing we cared about for Brittain was that she enjoy school. I know that’s not the same goal everyone has for their child, but for Brittain, that’s what we wanted. We already knew that Brittain’s going to do her best. She’s a people pleaser. She’s not a child that needs to be pushed academically. She’s going to do her best because she knows that’s what she’s supposed to do and she won’t disappoint. What we wanted for her was that she want to keep going back for more.
Ok, so now back to the awards. Because everything I just said meant absolutely nothing at that particular moment. It went a little something like this. Here are the awards given followed by my innermost thoughts.
Student Council Recognition – nope, she’s not on it
Citizenship Awards – This is like best all around, right? She is SO the best all around. She’s encouraging and thoughtful and sweet….ok, nope, she didn’t win.
Attendance Award – Nope. She missed like one freakin’ day. I knew I should have sent her to school with that 102 degree fever.
Young Georgia Author’s Contest – Don’t have a clue what this is.
Literacy Day’s Winners – Where have I BEEN this year?
Top Accelerated Readers – She did good at the end of the year, but she sort of had a slow start. Nope.
Athletic Awards – Hahahahaha. Aw, hellz no.
Music/Computer/Art Awards – Maybe? Maybe? Nope.
At this point I was close to throwing up my hands in disgust and storming out of there as if the biggest injustice had just happened. But I stayed. For Brittain’s sake. And I proceeded to ignore the rest of the program. I completely ignored up to the point where I heard my child’s name and I saw her stand proudly on the stage along with the 2 students from the 2 other Kindergarten classes. I looked around. Confused. The principle is standing up there. THE PRINCIPLE has just announced an award so it’s CLEARLY the most important one! She has just announced an award that MY CHILD won. WHAT THE HELL WAS IT? I looked down at my program and saw it. MOST IMPROVED. Out of her entire class, SHE was the most improved. I beamed with pride for a few short seconds and Dan and I swapped that “that’s our kid” look. But then we looked back at each other again with a look that required no words. Most Improved. This is something we should be proud of, right? I mean, did she start out stupid but improve to the point of pretty good? Did she start out pretty good and improve to really smart?
We’re about halfway through our summer now and I haven’t looked back once and thought about this award because as soon as we left that school that day I was back to just being proud of the wonderful year Brittain had and the fact that she made it through, already looking forward to the 1st grade.
I am still trying to sift through everything that Brittain brought home with her on the last day. Her scrapbook that her teacher put together for each student took me a week or two to go through. On one of the last days that I was looking through it I ran across what I believe was an award Brittain must have received in class that her teacher gave out. It was the “Almond Joy Award” – for always having a smile on your face. Now THIS award I was proud of.
Happy graduation, Brittain. This is only the beginning. Don’t even think about dropping out before the next graduation. 😉
P.S. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t take a single picture in this post. When I started writing about this day I went back to find the pictures to put with it and THERE WERE NONE. This only meant one thing and that’s the fact that I apparently deleted them accidentally. Thank goodness Cindy Stansberry took pictures that day and even got some of Brittain. And thank goodness she DIDN’T delete hers.
Confession…I’m in love with these two people that we spent this weekend with. You already knew that? Oh, ok, my bad. You’re right, I probably talk a little too much about my sister and brother-in-law. If you’re tired of hearing about them, then you may want to skip this post all together. But seriously, don’t. That would hurt my feelings.
Cecilia and Matt are what I like to call “neat” people. If you’ve had the opportunity to meet “neat” people in your life then you know what I’m talking about. Being neat is better than being cool or being fun. Because being “neat” means your cool and fun along with so many other things.
Whenever we planned a visit to see Cecilia and Matt, it was immediately considered a vacation because they made it a vacation. Every visit was a magical getaway where you were showered with the best food, great drinks, and fun activities that made you feel like you were at a 5 star resort mixing it up with the most elite. By far some of my greatest memories are trips we made to Athens to see them when Brittain was little, and then to their condo on the beach in Jacksonville, then to their house in Jacksonville. Pictures and memories are forever imbedded in my mind.
I’ve been keeping this under wraps for a while, and it’s been just about to kill me because when I get news like this I want to be able to share it. So, here is the big announcement, making it “Brittain’s blog official” (which means it’s really official now), Cecilia and Matt are moving to New York. I know, I know, you’ve already seen it on Facebook, but still, I had to also make it “Brittain’s blog official” or it just wasn’t going to happen.
Admittedly, I’m sad about this. I hate that I’m sad because this is a GREAT thing and a HAPPY thing and a reward for 2 people that are hard workers and deserve to be compensated for their hard work. But New York? That’s really far. As Brittain said when I was finally forced to break the news to her, “That’s even further than Jacksonville.” I really wanted to say that wasn’t true, but it IS true!
I’ve known about this for a while now, so I’ve had some time to try to come to terms with it. I’m looking at the bright, fun side thinking about the visits we can make to New York. Brittain’s never flown, so when I thought I wasn’t going to be able to console her after I broke the news to her, she perked right up when I told her that we’d get to ride in an AIRPLANE. (I gave her my excited face and then hid in my closet later to have a brief panic attack thinking about flying…which I don’t like to do…yet having to be brave FOR MY CHILD.)
I’m working on actually being excited about this new adventure for Matt and Cecilia. Because that’s what this is, it’s a new adventure for them and “neat” people deserve new adventures. That’s just what neat people do.
At the point where we pretty much knew the move was happening, we quickly put our heads together to plan one last trip to Jacksonville. Because of Dan’s work schedule, it had been a while since he had actually made a trip down there with us. And, because of Matt’s schedule, it had been a while since we had even seen him. So, this trip was a long time coming. As usual, we couldn’t have asked for something that was more fun or relaxing. Among their many “neat” qualities, they’re fabulous hosts. We never had to lift a finger because they had it all covered.
Not even Tropical Storm Beryl could keep us from making the most of our trip (although I secretly hoped it would keep us there a few extra nights).
My blog writing goes in phases. There are times when I have so much on my mind and so much to say and I watch the clock waiting for 7:30 p.m. to come so that the kids can go to bed and I can commence blog writing. A glass of wine is in my hand, my laptop is open and my brain is in full gear. There are also those times when it’s all I can do to make sure I post a few of the thousands of pictures I’ve taken of my children that barely make it to my computer from my camera.
But, I’m really excited because lately I’ve been inspired. It all started with a HILARIOUS article my sister sent me titled, “You’re So Not Almost Ready for a Baby, Even If You Think You Are.†I’m not a big reader and most times when my mom or sister send me things that have in the subject, “YOU HAVE TO READ THISâ€, I don’t. For some reason, though, I must have been feeling like I had nothing else to do because when Cec sent me this article I decided to take a chance. The first time I read it I laughed so hard that I’m pretty sure I peed myself. It brought me so much joy that I have it permanently opened on my phone so I can refer back to it at any time of day if I just feel like laughing all over again. Wanting to share the funny, I sent it to a couple of friends, one of which returned the favor by sharing a blog post by a parent discussing the woes of the bedtime routine with 3 young children. Equally as funny as the first one, I sat there, not being able to take my eyes off what I was reading. I loved it because I could RELATE to it. I sat there wondering if this girl was writing specifically to me because SHE’S READING MY EXACT THOUGHTS.
I have realized something huge and that is that there are times when I start feeling I’m the only mom out there that feels like I’m barely making it through. No one really talks about how hard being a parent is. We’re inundated with things like Facebook, where everyone feels like they only want to show the very best of the best. I don’t get on Facebook like I used to and I think, subconsciously, it’s because reading it makes me feel like SHIT. I feel like the majority of status’s out there are things like, “I’m the happiest person alive†and “Never a day where I wish anything was any differentâ€. I find myself scrolling down and down and down, just staring, hoping to finally run across a “I just screamed into a pillow because my kids WILL NOT SHUT UP†or “Today I’m wondering what I was thinking…†or “I’m feeling a bit depressed and overwhelmed and I constantly feel like I don’t measure up to every other mother I see.â€
Do you do this? I quite often stare at people. Before children, I would stare at people who had good bodies, or those that I thought were beautiful, or when I wondered where they got their clothes. Now, I stare at mothers. I don’t discriminate. I stare at ALL mothers and for the most part I make up a story of how they are all better mothers than me. If she’s perfectly made up and has on perfect clothes and her kids are dressed to perfection then I wonder to myself how she got out of the house with everyone looking that way with everyone still smiling. I think, “Wow. I bet her kids have been bathed in the last 3 nights, and I bet she even got them to brush their teeth.” Or, if she looks haggard and tired I assume that means she devoted her entire day to her children and none to herself. So then I just feel selfish that I start rethinking that decicion to put my children in front of the TV for part of the day so that I could manage to get a few moments to myself.
I have days where I portray BOTH of these mothers. Quite often on Sundays we all appear at church looking like that first mother. Now that Dan is off on the weekends, he’s around on Sunday mornings to help get us all out the door, with clothes on. Of course, even with him here it’s still not easy. Church falls right in the middle of naptime for Coleman so there is whining and Brittain sometimes feels the need to join in the complaining with “I don’t want to wear that dress†and “I wish my hair was straight like Addison’s.†But somehow we manage to always get out the door, into the car, and into church. I always look around at those that might be looking at us. All I can think is, “You have no idea what we had to go through to get here and look like this.†And it’s true, they never have any idea.
I’m fortunate to have the help of many family members who live close by. I have a spot in my heart for those parents who live away from family. I have constant help and there’s always someone willing to step in when I need them. But there are those times when there’s advice given that doesn’t actually help me. I’ve never been one to cook, but since Coleman started eating actual food and liking it I started feeling like I should actually provide him something to eat. I’ve been really pleased with myself with the amount of meals I have on the table during the week. But it’s hard. Really hard. Because while the actual preparation of the meal isn’t the worst, by far, it’s the thought that has to go into deciding what to cook, then going to the grocery store to get the ingredients and planning ahead enough so that whatever I’m cooking is thawed and ready to be prepared. My favorite advice from everyone when I complain about cooking is, “Just use the crock pot. All you have to do is throw the stuff in in the mornings and when it’s time for dinner, it’s done.†Granted, the crock pot is a fabulous thing, but until it decides what to cook, goes to the store and gets what I need and then throws the ingredients in itself in the morning, it’s not that great, k?
I’m attempting a new mindset and that is just to take things a day at a time. The caveat is that I can’t regret the day or what I’ve done throughout it. Most importantly, when I finally sit down at night, I know that I have 2 happy children that I managed to keep alive for one more day. They’re clean, fed and asleep and I get to start all over again the next day and do it again. I’ll do what I can to make sure both kids get the attention they need. I’ll do my best to get dinner on the table. I’ll do my best to keep the house clean enough so that Coleman doesn’t find a morsel of SOMETHING on the floor to choke on. Most importantly I’ll love them and I’ll do what I can. I think they’ll appreciate that enough. I know they will. Fortunately for me I’m the only mother they have.
I love Mother’s Day because no matter what, you get recognized because you’re a mother. I have to admit that I outdid myself this year, having lunch at our house after church for the family. It was by far the most UNrelaxing Mother’s Day that I’ve had to date, but truthfully, it was the most rewarding. And really, I got even MORE praise than I would have gotten otherwise because I went above and beyond on the day that was in honor of me (and all other mothers, of course).
I am so thankful for where I am in my life, for what I’ve accomplished, and for what I have to show for it. My children are a reminder of all that I’ve done good and they’re my hope for all that I will strive to be for them.
To my Brittain and my Coleman, I hope I always make you proud. Thank you for making me a Mommy.
P.S. For the second year in a row now I won the prize on Mother’s Day for having the youngest child. When we finally get an opportunity to use our 6th Street Pier gift certificate I’ll surely have a drink to celebrate.
